Betting Against Fate
by lostsoul512
Summary: Poison Ivy and Harley Quinn make a bet, which involves Ivy spending a weekend alone with the Joker. Things never go as planned for the rogues, and Joker has a few surprises left up his sleeves.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: Hey, guys! So, I couldn't seem to stay away long. I've got a new story here for you all. I cant wait to see how you like it. Or don't. Or whatever. Anyway, I gotta run. It's the first snowfall of the year (yuck..) and I need to clean my car off. Lots of love. **

There weren't many things in life Poison Ivy really, truly cared about. Her babies, of course, were at the top of her list. Ridding the world of the burden that was humanity. And her best friend in the world, Harley Quinn.

But even caring for Harley became tiring, when it was three in the morning and she was being dragged out of bed _once again_ because Harley was having _another_ fight with the clown. She was doing her best to listen; she really was. But it was always the same thing. Harley pissed him off, he threw her out, and she automatically decided to drag Ivy into it all. Then Ivy would spend the next three days trying to convince Harley that she clearly deserved better than this cycle of abuse, until the clown wanted her back, and she would run home like a little lost puppy.

"This time is really different, Red!" Harley whined, her tears rolling down her cheeks in a hideous display of emotion. It was all wasted, Ivy knew. There was no use crying over a man, especially one with such a blatant disregard of your feelings. She'd tried telling Harley that, but it was like talking to a wall. A really stubborn, delusional wall.

Ivy ran her fingers through her hair, which was tangled and untamed since she'd been in asleep. "You say that every time, Harls," she muttered. "It's always different, always the last time. And then he comes around and you run straight back to him. So, forgive me if I'm having a hard time believing you."

Harley's expression was a combination of anger and sadness. Once upon a time, Ivy really had felt bad for her. She knew what it was like to be so deeply in love, you'd be willing to do anything for the man. Even die for him. But eventually Harley needed to come crawling back to reality and accept the fact that the Joker was never going to change. And he was never going to love her, at least not in the right ways.

The blonde let out a sigh, resting her chin on her palm as she gazed off at nothing in particular. Ivy watched her for a few moments, her own thoughts straying to places she seldom let them go. Her own love story had nearly led her to her death. And she'd already seen Harley come too close for comfort. She needed to find a way to help her break free once and for all. But that was a task that seemed almost more impossible than protecting her babies from the world. In a way, she supposed, Harley was a lot like a flower. Beautiful and independent, but unable to defend herself against the oppression of mankind.

"He's not really so bad, Red," Harley murmured then, interrupting her friend's train of thought. "I mean, if you could see him the way I do…"

"I don't," Ivy snapped. "I see him as a homicidal maniac who continually hurts my best friend."

Harley stuck her bottom lip out. "You just don't understand how caring and sweet he can be sometimes," she retorted, to which Ivy actually let out a laugh. Joker ever showing a display of affection would be the funniest joke she'd ever heard. "I'll bet if you spent jut one weekend with him," Harley went on, "you'd see what I mean."

Ivy's instant reaction to spending any time ever with the clown was to scrunch up her nose in disgust. But this time, she had a plan forming. "Okay," she said slowly. Harley literally did a double take, blinking as if to make sure she wasn't dreaming or something. Ivy nodded once. "Okay, I'll spend a weekend with J. _Without you._ And if I think he has any redeemable qualities, I'll leave you two alone. But if he turns out to prove me right, then you have to stay with me for one month straight."

Harley raised her brows, carefully considering Ivy's proposition. "A whole month?" She murmured. "Not even a single sleepover?"

Ivy shook her head. "No matter what he says, you have to stay here."

Harley swallowed hard. If her lover could pull through for her, she'd never have to hear her best friend harass her to leave him again. And she really did believe he could do it, as long as he paused long enough to take the whole thing seriously. Which was asking a lot of a man called Joker. But she knew he loved her, in his own way, and she had complete faith that he would do this one little thing for her. It wasn't as if she was asking him to kill Bats or anything. Just spend one short weekend being nice to Ivy. Practically effortless.

"Deal," she said at last, holding her hand out. Ivy took it in her own hand, giving a demurring smirk. _Game on. _

…

"But, Mr. J!" Harley pleaded, grabbing him by the wrist. Ivy watched the pathetic scene before her with a smug smile tugging at her lips. Joker tried, once again, to shake off the clinging girl. When that proved futile he proceeded to start walking across the room and dragging her along with him. "Mr. J, it's really important to me!"

Joker stopped in his tracks, bending down so he was at eye level with her. "All the more reason for me not to do it!" He shouted, straightening back up and resuming his steps. Ten minutes ago, Harley had come home, just as he knew she would. Except she'd brought the Plant with her, and Poison Ivy was pretty much the last person he wanted to see in the morning. Next thing he'd known, she'd been spewing some words about proving his devotion to Ivy or she wasn't gunna come home for a month. Well, good riddance, he thought. At least maybe then he would be able to get some work done.

"Mr. J," Harley cried again, digging her heels into the carpet. As he dragged her past their two pet hyenas, Bud and Lou, the animals began to whimper. A moment later they too were tugging on the Joker, nipping at his clothes as they tried to help their mother. Finally losing his temper, Joker shoved all three of them away, sending Harley collapsing to the floor in a crumpled heap.

"Fine," he scowled, smoothing out his purple suit coat. "Fine, Ivy can stay here for your stupid bet. But don't expect me to be hospitable or anything. I don't need to prove myself to your stupid friends. I'm the goddamn Joker, for Christ's sake."

Harley let out a little squeak, as if he'd just said the sweetest thing she'd ever heard. She crawled over to hug him around the waist. Joker let out a groan, petting her roughly on the head. From the corner of his eye, he saw Ivy all but beaming at him. The stupid weed thought she could just invite herself into his business. Well, he'd teach her a lesson not to stick her vines where they didn't belong.

Ivy was unable to hide her grin of sheer delight. Already she could see just how this weekend was going to play out. Joker would be extra irritated, since he hated her to begin with. That, paired with the undeniable fact that he was just a terrible person, meant there was absolutely no way she could lose. This was going to be a piece of cake.


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Hey, guys! Sorry I took my sweet time updating this. I also want to apologize profusely for the length of this chapter. It's about a hundred words shorter than my usual minimum requirements. However, I felt I would rather have a shorter chapter than a longer one filled with pointless, unnecessary fluff. Anyway, I'm still getting this story rolling. I look forward to hearing from you all. Input is welcome. **

Ivy awoke from her nap to the sound of gunshots. In Gotham, this wasn't exactly a rare occurrence. But these shots were much closer than usual. Rubbing the sleep from her eyes, she slid off the couch and followed the sounds.

She wound up in the doorway to the kitchen. She watched with a furrowed brow as Joker aimed his pistol at the oven and repeatedly pulled the trigger. "Stupid, ungrateful bitch," he muttered to no one in particular.

"Are you okay?" Ivy asked, not that she particularly cared. Mostly she just wanted to go back to the couch and try to make up for the sleep she'd lost from Harley's visit the previous night. But it was hard enough to sleep around here, between the hyenas and the inconsiderate henchmen. Add in the fact that Joker was now violently assaulting the appliances, and she was pretty sure she'd never get any rest.

Joker actually jumped at the sound of her voice. She wondered briefly if he had forgotten altogether that she was there. Then he rolled his eyes, gesturing at the destroyed oven. "It doesn't work," he growled in frustration.

Ivy raised a brow at him. "Probably because you shot it, J."

He gave no indication of having heard her. "Harley always cooks, see," he explained. "I mean, it's awful food, Red, but at least I don't have to do it. And whenever she runs off like the spoiled brat she is, I always end up breaking something in the kitchen. Last time it was the blender. I put a grenade in it after I couldn't figure out how to turn it on."

Ivy rubbed at her temples, trying in vain to prevent the onset of the headache she was starting to get. She'd been here for maybe six hours, and the clown was already starting to drive her crazy. She blinked long and hard, and when she opened her eyes, it was to see him staring straight at her. He pointed with the gun to the remnants of the oven. "Make me lunch," he snapped.

Ivy's mouth literally fell open. She may have been staying with him, but she sure as hell wasn't going to allow him to boss her around. She wasn't Harley; she had some shred of dignity. "Fend for yourself," she sneered right back, crossing her arms over her chest. Joker glowered at her, and she actually felt herself preparing for an assault. But in the end he only holstered his gun and turned away.

He stormed out of the room, still grumbling to himself. Ivy glared after him. He was so intolerable, she honestly had no idea how Harley had spent so many years with him. She certainly didn't see the appeal there. He was probably the least attractive man she'd ever met. But Harley just fawned over him like he was Brad Pitt or something.

Sighing, she left the room and returned to the couch. Three days, she reminded herself. It was only three days. And it was all in the best interest of Harley. Once she won the bet, Harley would be forced to be away from the clown for a solid month. Ivy was really hoping that would be enough time to convince her friend not to go back at all. Maybe, without his constant influence on her, Harley could realize what a strong and independent woman she was capable of being.

Or maybe Ivy was getting her hopes up all for nothing.

She reached for the remote, settling into the couch and tuning into the news. It was all the same, politics and gang wars and which of her unlikely family had been dragged off to Arkham. Today's story featured a lovely clip of Batman taking down the Mad Hatter, better known as Jervis Tetch. She felt bad for her fellow rogue, really, being taken back to the prison they all called home.

When she grew bored of the news, she went to change the channel to her favorite gardening show. But when she went to grab the remote, she found it missing. Looking up, she saw the Joker hovering over her, glaring down as he clutched the device with both hands. "My show is on," he said, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world. He proceeded to plop down on the couch, shoving her out of her way.

Ivy let out a cry as she fell right off the couch onto the floor. She pushed her hair back out of her face, intent on giving Joker a piece of her mind. Before she could say a word she was suddenly clobbered by the two hyenas, who pinned her down and started licking her face.

"Good boys," Joker murmured nonchalantly, never even looking over at the scene. It took Ivy a few minutes to get the animals under control. Usually, she preferred any form of wildlife to humanity, but these creatures were the exception. Pushing herself back to her feet, she smoothed out her green dress and glared at the clown.

"Do you have _no_ consideration for anyone but yourself?" She growled, crossing her arms tightly.

Joker barely even glanced at her. "No," he replied instantly. "No, not really. I mean, does anyone else really matter but me? I'm the Joker, sweetheart. I'm the best damn supervillain this town has ever seen. So, I don't really think I'm obligated to care about anyone else."

Ivy actually snarled at him, turning on her heel and storming out of the room. She went into the bathroom, slamming the door as hard as she could. Once she was safely locked inside, she slid down onto the cold tile floor. It was no wonder Harley was always so depressed. Living with the Joker had to be intolerable. She was struggling just to make it through the first day. It was enough to drive even the sanest person into the depths of madness.

She knew she had to stay strong. At least in front of him. The second he detected even a trace of weakness, he would pounce on it. That was what he did; he took people's weaknesses and vulnerabilities and he twisted them around, used them. It was the way he had turned Harley from a successful, promising career woman into a codependent, pathetic mess. He had played on her fears of failure and being alone.

Well, Ivy would certainly not allow him to play her in such ways. She stood up, using the mirror to fix the smudges in her makeup. She would survive this weekend, and then she would make Harley realize she didn't need this constant abuse. And then, if it all went according to plan, she would never have to deal with the Joker again.


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Hey, all. Work has me seriously burnt out. I want little more than to crawl in a hole and die. Ugh. Luckily, I love you guys more than I love my own state of well being, so I did manage to get a chapter done. I have to be back at work right when I wake up, so I'm going to try and get some sleep. **

"I'm telling you, Harley," Ivy repeated into the phone. It was late, the stars covering the streets of Gotham in their very own blanket. Ivy had spent a good hour tossing and turning on the couch before finally going to call her best friend. Of course Harley had been awake; she couldn't possibly sleep if she wasn't in the Joker's bed. "This whole thing is going terribly. I think the only time he noticed you were gone was when he wanted food."

Across town in Ivy's latest hideout, Harley was perched on the bathroom counter. She'd been in the shower when the phone had rang, hoping the warm water and steam might soothe her into exhaustion. Now, she was wrapped in a towel and feeling even more awake than before. "He misses me," she assured her. "He's probably just putting on a show for you."

Ivy wished she could reach through the phone and smack some sense into the other girl. She had never seen such a terrible case of denial. Still, now was not the time to remind Harley _again_ that the clown didn't care about her. "Well, I don't know how I'm going to make it through another day of staying with him," she retorted.

Harley sighed. She hated the fact that her best friend and the love of her life didn't get along. It made everything so much harder than it needed to be. And things were already hard enough for them all, considering they were three of the most wanted villains in Gotham. She bet not even Batman could make them get along. "I know he can be difficult," she said slowly. "But…but I know he is going to pull through. He does love me, really, in his own way."

Ivy had yet to be convinced of that. Still, a deal was a deal and she was willing to wait and try. She murmured her goodnight and hung up the phone. Settling back onto the couch, she tried once again to fall asleep.

…

Miraculously, Ivy managed to get a few solid hours of rest. When she awoke, it was to an unexpected and refreshing silence. For a few wonderful moments, she was actually able to forget that she was staying with Joker.

Eventually, she pushed herself off the couch and sauntered to the bathroom. Most of the lights in the house were off, so she could only assume Joker had gone out. Good riddance to him. It was much easier to stay with him when she didn't actually have to see him. She entered the bathroom, flicking on the lights.

For a long time she examined herself in the mirror. Long red curls framed her pale, slender face. When the light hit her skin just right, it almost appeared to have a greenish tint, but that was just from all the plant toxins that had merged with her blood. Light green eyes stared back at her. They were eyes that had seen their fair share of horrors. But somehow she had managed to always, always pull through. Sometimes, she caught herself wondering what the point was. She was alone in a city where no one cared for anything.

She was just about to run the shower when she heard a pair of low voices from the bedroom next door. Normally Ivy wasn't one for eavesdropping, but her curiosity was peaked. Joker wasn't one for secrecy, so for him to be sneaking around quietly was a big deal. And besides, she told herself, her entire reason for being there was to keep an eye on the clown.

She pressed her body against the wall beside the door, which stood slightly ajar. Through the small opening she could see Joker sitting on the edge of his bed. His hair was disheveled and his shirt was unbuttoned. He looked as if he hadn't slept at all. "Harley girl," he said softly into the phone he was cradling. It was a gentle, delicate tone Ivy wasn't sure she had ever heard before. "Sweetheart, of course I miss you. But I can't let the Plant think I've got a soft side. She'd torment me relentlessly."

There was a moment of silence as he listened to whatever Harley was saying on the other end. Ivy studied the way his expression changed, his face illuminated only by the dim light in the room. "Do you really think I'll let her take you away from me for a whole month?" He asked tenderly then. He rose to his feet and began pacing around the room, thankfully never glancing towards the door. Still, Ivy moved a few inches away, just to be sure she was out of sight.

He went quiet once again. Ivy was, in all honesty, having a difficult time processing the whole scene before her. The way he spoke to Harley was almost…normal. No jokes, no cruel remarks. Just pure, raw affection. It was something she had honestly never thought him capable of. And for the first time ever, she was beginning to wonder if she had been wrong all along.

"I have to go now," he said abruptly. There was a definite change in the tone of his voice. It had gone from something almost loving to a stern, authoritative one. "I love you, Harley girl," he added quickly. He hung up the phone without another word. Ivy frowned in confusion, but before she could have time to react, something hit her over the head and rendered her unconscious.


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: I'm going to tell you guys a secret. I think this story is a messy disaster of a piece, and I actually cant stand it. I dunno. I just don't think it turned out very well so far. It seems to be pretty popular though, and I don't understand why. Feel free to explain it to me, because I honestly don't get it. All rights reserved, etc. **

**Also, OHMYGOD, I just realized when I updated chapter three, I actually uploaded the master file. I am so, so sorry about this mix up. It's been fixed. I really hope you'll all forgive me. God. I feel just so embarrassed about this. **

The first thing Ivy became aware of was the pain. It started at the base of her skull and moved through most of her head. The second was the lights, much too bright and blinding. Finally, she heard the voices, vague but still familiar enough for her to realize what exactly had happened.

"I managed to subdue her, but I was unable to catch up with the Joker," the deep voice of Batman was saying. Ivy could only assume he was talking to the doctors or guards of Arkham. Which could only mean she had been dragged back to the asylum. And yet somehow the clown had managed to get away. It just figured he would sell her out in order to escape.

There was a short conversation between the Bat and the doctors, and then Ivy was forcibly transported to her usual cell. She scowled at the guards as they locked her in, but they ignored her entirely.

Needless to say, this whole weekend had been a terrible idea. As if spending three days with the clown hadn't been torturous enough, she had now wound up back in the one place she hated most. They kept her out of the sunlight and far away from any plant life. She could already practically feel her body weakening. Now it didn't even matter if she won the bet or not. Since she'd be stuck in here, she would be utterly unable to keep Harley safe from the Joker's antics.

She let out a great sigh, cradling her pounding head in her hands. She figured she might as well make herself comfortable; she was more than likely going to be stuck here for a while.

…

"Isley! You're up for therapy."

Ivy blinked slowly as she registered the voice of a guard calling into her cell. She must have fallen asleep, though she had no idea for how long. In Arkham time tended to stop existing; hours felt like days and days felt like years. She pushed her long hair over her shoulder and rose to her feet.

As usual, the guard entered her cell and cuffed her in order to escort her to her session. Ivy didn't mind the therapy, per say; she just didn't think she really needed it. It wasn't as if she was crazy like the other patients. The rest of the world bore the insanity, neglecting the precious life of nature. Still, she allowed the guard to lead her through the corridors, past the other cells. A few of her rogue friends waved as she passed, and she offered them a wistful sort of smile.

At last they reached an unmarked office. The guard fumbled for a key and unlocked the door, nudging Ivy inside. The redhead frowned as she entered. The room was pitch black, shades drawn to block off the outside world. Ivy spun around to address the guard, but he had already shut the door and left. She could feel the familiar sensation of panic starting to grasp at her when the lights suddenly went on. She squinted against the blinding surge, just barely able to make out the form of a man approaching her. A white doctor coat hung loosely around a thin body, and a beaming smile dominated his face.

"You've got to be kidding me," Ivy said flatly as Joker gave her a giddy wave. She noticed the therapist was unconscious at his desk.

Joker's face fell into a sarcastic frown. "That's all I get?" He muttered, feigning shock. "I break into Arkham for you, which is significantly harder than breaking out. And all I get is some snarky remark?"

Ivy opened her mouth, but no sound actually came out. If he had really broken into Arkham solely for the purpose of rescuing her, then she didn't honestly know what to say. But she had a difficult time trusting him, and she was just waiting to figure out what the gag was going to be.

Joker was grinning again, gesturing to the chair. "Want to sit down and tell Doc about your problems?" He teased.

Ivy rolled her eyes, her hand balling into a fist behind her back. It was so hard to resist her urge to punch him, smack that smug smirk right off his face. He was just lucky she was still in handcuffs. "What are you doing here?" She snapped in frustration. The metal of the cuffs had started to dig into her wrists, and she was in mood for his little games.

"I told you," he said simply, suddenly sounding much more serious than before. "I came to break you out."

Ivy raised her brows at him as he approached her. Joker went behind her and fiddled with the handcuffs until they popped open. She rubbed at the raw skin, muttering a half-hearted thanks. Joker only grunted. In an instant he had shed the coat to reveal his usual purple suit. He went over to the window, seeming to examine the locks that bolted it shut. "Why are you doing this?" She asked sincerely.

Joker paused in his fumbling, turning to look back at her over his shoulder. "You're Harley's best friend," he said slowly, like it was the most obvious thing in the world. "I may not like you, but you're important to my Harley girl. So in a way, you're important to me too, I guess. And she would kill me if she found out you got locked up on my watch."

He went back to focusing on the window as if he had never spoken at all, and Ivy was left to wonder if maybe there was a shred of decency in him after all.


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: Herein lies the final installment in this little tale I have spun for you. Cant say I'll be sad to see it go. Rest in the eternal archives of my laptop, you cursed nightmare of a story. Goodnight, all. **

Ivy had honestly never thought she would be happy to find herself at the Joker's hideout. But when they arrived there an hour later, without even a cop in sight, she actually felt relieved. She collapsed on the couch and let out a great sigh.

Joker closed the door and locked it, coming over to sit beside her. He hadn't said a word since his short speech back at Arkham. Usually Ivy was begging him to be quiet, but this particular silence made her uncomfortable. She was all but holding her breath, waiting for him to say anything at all.

Instead, he just reached for the remote and flipped on the news, where the reporter was alerting all of Gotham that they were once again on the loose. Joker was utterly immersed in the show, leaving Ivy to wonder if he was honestly just going to pretend none of this had even happened. Well, Ivy wasn't about to let him crawl back to his hiding hole and act like he was just some cold-hearted stoic. She was going to make him acknowledge the fact that he had done something decent.

"I want to thank you," she said, loudly enough that he could hear her over the television. They were words that felt all wrong coming from her mouth. When Joker didn't even react, she snatched up the remote and killed the distraction. The clown glared over at her, crossing his arms tightly over his chest. "Really," she went on, taking advantage of his prolonged silence. "Thank you for coming to rescue me."

At last, Joker's expression relaxed. "Don't mention it," he grumbled under his breath.

"I mean it," Ivy said, a little sterner this time, ignoring him completely. "It was really…nice of you."

Joker caught her by surprise by jumping up suddenly to his feet. He hovered menacingly over her, gritting his teeth. "I _said_ don't mention it."

He stormed out of the room, slamming the door of his study. Ivy only smirked at the place where he had been standing. She supposed that was the most she was going to get from him. Anyway, she had managed to piss him off, and she considered that a little victory of her own. Retrieving the remote, she settled into the couch and waited for Harley to arrive. The weekend hadn't turned out so bad after all.

…

"Puddin'! I'm home!"

The door flew open as Harley strode in, suitcase in hand. Instantly she was assaulted by the pair of hyenas. Squealing, she dropped to her knees and scooped them both into her arms. "Did my babies miss me?" She cried excitedly, petting them each in turn.

Ivy normally would have been irritated at Harley's overly excited state, not to mention her obnoxious tone. But she was in too high of spirits to really care, and she was relieved to see that her best friend had survived three whole days on her own. Abandoning the couch, she went to greet the blonde.

"Hey, Red," Harley grinned at her, pushing aside the beasts so she could pull Ivy into a hug. "How was your weekend?"

Ivy pursed her lips, unsure of how she should respond to that. Enjoyable would have been a lie, but she couldn't have honestly claimed it had all been terrible either. She eventually settled on a simple 'fine'. Harley released her, beaming as she did. But her face began to fall as she scanned the room and slowly realized the Joker was nowhere to be seen.

"Didn't he miss me?" Harley said with a pout, wrapping her arms tightly around herself. Before either of the girls could say anything more, Harley was suddenly scooped up off the ground into the arms of her lover.

"Didn't miss you for a moment," Joker snarled, kissing her cheek gently. "Not even when I had to try and cook." Apparently, Harley thought this was terribly endearing, as she began kissing him passionately.

Ivy wrinkled up her nose in disgust at the sight. She could safely say she would never understand the dynamics between the two. But in their own deranged way, they made each other happy. And in his own way, she realized, the Joker was capable of love. Maybe it wasn't the traditional way of expressing emotions, but it was his way. And it was exactly the way Harley needed to be loved.

Ivy realized for the first time that her opinion on their relationship was totally irrelevant. They were too wrapped up in each other to notice her slip from the door, a slight smile tugging at her lips. They were happy. And sometimes in life, that was all that really mattered.


End file.
